I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you
----------------------------------------------
(I miss you, I miss you)
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends
(I miss you, I miss you)
(I miss you, I miss you)
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head
(I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head
(I miss you, I miss you)[x3]
(I miss you, I miss you) [x4]
Due to the nature of our relationship, I cannot mention names here. Although I want to let her know that I still care, and no it's not your fault. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, especially after what I told her. Love is strong and will persevere, and yes I want to remain friends. Just some feelings I had to let out in the open. I hope to see you soon...
26 December 2004
20 December 2004
Good to be home for the Holidays
Whew...
Been home now for a few days and have gotten myself settled. Seeing old places and faces again makes me feel good inside. 3 of my old friends are stil here. Chris B. has been down in Fort Sam Houston for OBC. He's now a 2nd LT stationed at Ft. Lewis with the Stryker Brigade as the medical officer (not a Doctor, just a title, as he explained it to me last night). That worries me a little. I knew that there wold be risks involved with being in the military, but it's hard to accept the fact that this may be the last time that you get to spend with someone you grew up with and hung out with for all these years.
Josh D., my best bud... He's stationed on the USS Carl Vinson. He's getting ready for a 'round the world cruise. Good luck there shippey. Haven't seen him yet, but I will.
Adrienne is working an apprenticeship at the shipyard. Haven't seen her yet either, but I will.
The only bad thing about coming home is knowing that you will inevitably have to leave and say goodbye to your loved ones once more, to go do your part to keep them safe. You try not to think about it, but it's always there and that makes the visits that much more cherished. You cherish every second, every moment your with the people that you love.
So helllllllooooooooo Washington!! HELLLLLOOOOOO Port Orchard!!! I'm here to stay for the
next couple of weeks.
As a close, to all my brothers in the Army, Air Force, Marines, Navy, Coast Guard, and Nat'l Guard unable to make it home for Christmas or New Years, keep yourselves safe and sound. You are much thought of here in the states (regardless of what those liberal nitwits say). And if one of you reads this, my email is on my profile. If you want or need someone to talk to, Doc's here. And to all my friends stateside, be thankful for what you have. Because someone else might not have that. And may everyone, whether it be stateside, on the seas, in the air, or on the ground of foreign soil, have a safe, wonderful and Merry Christmas. (Chanukah, Yule, Kwanza, or whatever you celebrate too.)
14 December 2004
Goodbye DC, Goodbye East Coast
Well, this is my last post from good ole Bethesda. I've been here two years and it's about time for me to move on. I had several talks from my superiors, chastizing me for my mistakes, however at the same time wishing me luck for the future. I hold no grudges against anyone as I depart this command.
I've met amazing people here and have made friends for life. I will miss every single one of them. Erica, you are such a sweetheart and I will miss you forever, until we meet again!! Colin, your gone from here, but you were the best guy I knew, besides Eric whom I'll get to in a moment. Eric, Congrats on graduating from FMSS!!! You earned and deserve it as much as the next person. Jen R., didn't really get to know you until I was running short on time, but your heart is big and you should follow it always. To everyone that I have had the pleasure meeting, Fair Winds and Following Seas until our wakes cross once more. Take care of yourself everyone.
To the new people I will meet, I present a warning. Prepare for the most shit hot corpsman to grace the decks of your ship. You will be "MY" Sailors and no one elses. I will protect you with my life as if it were my own.
As I close, I want to share with everyone something special to me....
09 December 2004
Story of My Life
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
07 December 2004
Moving Up, and Moving On
Well...I think it's about time to get back to blogging. I know it's been a while and for those who have been wondering and worried, I do apologize.
Things came to a head about two months ago and recently again. I've been scrambling like mad to get everything good to go with my transfer and its really is taking a lot out of me. With all the things going on you rarely have time to realize what you have until it's too late. I experienced this first hand about a month ago, when one of my good friends died in a MVA. He was drunk, and thank the lord that no one else was killed. This is also a reason I haven't been blogging of late. I miss him as much as any friend would, and I just wish that I had more time to spend with him. He is truly one of the special ones in my life and he will be missed.
Now on to happier things....
Because of everything thats going on, and the length of time things have taken, my father ( the ret. Senior Chief) decided to give my CMC a little phone call. Apparently the CMC had no clue I had XOI pending and that I was in fact under orders. What happened next suprised me and all of my friends. All charges were dropped, and as of today I have 7 days left here and then I go home till Jan 8.
I report to SFMIC at Balboa NH, San Diego on the 8th and start class on the tenth. After that My class grads on the 14th and I'm off to Hawaii for three years. This is great. I am relishing and soaking up every bit of it. Haze Gray and Underway baby. Real Navy, Here I Come.
And from what I understand, theres some special things in store for me when I get to San Diego...wink wink. Anyways, I hope this finds everyone well and in good spirits full of Holiday cheer. PEACE!!!