Getting Set Up

So I promised that I would get better about posting. I guess that once every 2 weeks is better than once every couple years.

I've kept busy the last few days by setting up my apartment. I bought a $2,000 computer, which is a little more than resonable, but it's a bad-ass machine. 2.6ghz Intel Core2 Quad, Corsair 4GB DDR2-800 RAM, 750GB Hard Drive, NVIDIA GeForce 9800 GTX, 512MB of Dedicate Video Memory, 48x CDR/RW with LightScribe, 16x DVD-ROM, and I updated the soundcard to a X-FI Fatality myself. So I bought a desk for that. I also got a Logitech 5.1 Surround System to go with it. I then bought a 50-inch 1080p Plasma HDTV. Oh yeah...the thing is sweet!!! I was playing GTA IV on it yesterday and I love it for gaming. I have the cable guys coming on thursday to set-up my internet and HD cable. So I'll be able to start blog-rolling from home again. Also I should be updating my mySpace and other things like that.

That's pretty much all that's been occuypying my life so far. So I'll try and keep you up-to-date more often.

Thoughts, random or otherwise unimportant

Sometimes when you sit around you just happen to think about whatever pops into your head. I'm sitting here at my desk at work thinking to myself about all these things, and I figure that to get them out I'd just blog about them.

Something that's been on my mind since I arrived here in San Diego is all the Marines that are here receiving medical treatment. I think about the sacrifices that they have made and the places they've been. Then I think about those corpsman that are with them. The ones that are getting shot up and wounded, sometimes killed. The ones coming back with PTSD and they still want to go back out there. The reason that I'm thinking about them is how I've never been on the ground. Sure I was in the gulf for three months on the Comfort when the war first started, taking care of all the Marines and Soldiers, EPWs and civilians wounded. But that doesn't compare with being there. I floated off the coast of Somalia for 4 months doing absolutely nothing, and again floated off the coast of the Phillipines for 5 months, doing pretty much the same. You might ask what I'm getting at. I was Meritoriously advanced to 2nd Class for my innate ability to handle desk work, cure headaches and reduce dislocated shoulders. I have a bronze star on my Sea Service deployment ribbon, while some other 3RD CLASS corpsman have a SILVER star on their COMBAT ACTION ribbon. This kinda tears me up inside. Why was I given the advancement opportunity for doing desk work while guys on the front lines that are getting shot at, taking mortar rounds inside their fencelines and FOBs aren't being offered the same? Was it because I was a standout at my command? The best Third Class on the boat that did pretty much nothing more than his job and nothing else. Sure I maxed out my quals, but thats what any good sailor would do, right? Maybe its just that Corpsman humility thing getting the best of me. Am I really that much better than I think I am? I just don't think that someone who sits 5 miles off the coast and does paperwork should be given another chevron when guys are taking rounds over their heads stuck at the same rate they were when they left. And even after all this I'm still not really excited about going to Iraq(or even Kuwait for that matter) anytime soon. It'll happen soon enough, I'm sure. But thats down the road. The point is that I feel bad for those guys who put their lives on the line everyday are still stuck in a slump of bad advancement, while the guy who was safe got the gold...

Another thing I've been thinking about is politics. I've never been one to really follow politics that much. And I have always wondered about what party I would fall under. Both of my parents are staunch republicans, but are open to vote for the best canidate even if they are not republican(Dad voted for Ross Perot a couple times). So when it came for me to register to vote for the 2004 general election I did so as a republican. But I have always wondered about my party affiliation, so I found a little quiz on Blogthings.com that I took. In the quiz it provided a statement and 5 responses(Strongly Agree, Agree, Not Sure, Disagree, and Strongly Disagree). Here are the statements and my opinions....

1. People have a right to unrestricted gun ownership. Strongly Agree. I believe that Americans have the inherent right to bear arms, as outlined in the Bill of Rights. At the same time I also believe that certain provisions should be in place to prevent arms of any kind falling into the hands of a convicted felon, for example. If guns were outlawed, millions in the US would become criminals overnight. How would we police that? How would people defend themselves?

2. Abortion should be illegal in all cases. Disagree. I believe that abortion should be legal ONLY in the cases of incest, rape, and any condition where the mothers life is in danger if the child is conceived(i.e. ectopic pregnancy).

3. Drugs, including marijuana, should be illegal. Disagree. I believe that Marijuana should be legalized. I am not a pot head by any means, but this is a harmless drug. Alcohol is more toxic to the body than Marijuana is. So treat it like alcohol in the workplace, don't come to work drunk and don't come to work high. And if the governement taxed the shit out of it like they do cigarettes, think about how much more millions of dollars would be infused into the national budget. All other drugs should remain illegal.

4. Taxes should be lowered for all income brackets.Strongly Agree. This is a no-brainer. Who likes paying taxes anyway?

5. Marriage is only for a man and a woman. Gay people should not be allowed to get married. Disagree I'm not a homophobe. Nor am I gay myself. I'm kinda middle of the road on the whole gay rights thing. I do believe, however, that if two people love each other, why shouldn't they be allowed to get married? I'm not religous either, so you can't throw the whole Bible thing at me.

6. Social security should be replaced with private accounts. Not Sure I'm not 100% up-to-date with the whole Social Security thing. I know it's a depression-era system that is poorly funded and way out-of-date. Not sure if private accounts are the way to go though. Maybe you should just take "a system" away and let everyone manage their own retirement benefits.

7. Stem cell research is unethical. Strongly Disagree I strongly believe that any research that has the potential to yield life-saving results and cures for Cancer, Parkinsons, and any other disease is worth it.

8. We need to stay the course in Iraq. Pulling out is not an option. Not Sure As a member of the Armed Forces, this is a touchy subject all around. In the beginning I thought that we should stay. Three years down the line...I'm not so sure anymore. Too many have died and I think it's turning into another Vietnam.

9. Parents should be able to choose between competing schools for their kids with vouchers. Not Sure I'm not even 100% sure what this is about...

10. Oil companies should be left alone to run their businesses as they choose. Disagree I think International political bodies should be placing caps on how much they can charge for gas... I think prices are getting ridiculously out of hand.

And I scored 47% Republican, 53% Democrat...No wonder I'm going to vote for Obama!!!!

Been a while....Hasn't it?

It amazes me that I can be away from this for so long and my account is still right there where I left it. Weird....

The last time I left I was ranting about a deployment which didn't really turn out all that bad. I look back on it now, a year and a half later and think to myself that it could've been worse. A LOT WORSE!!!

I kinda feel like I've returned to an old friend. I was tooling around the internet, bored as hell at work, and I stumbled across the blog that got me here in the first place. It happened to be Sean's Doc in the Box. It brought me back here to my own neglected blog. It's almost a warm comforting blanket.

So whats happened since that last post. Not much really...

In August 2007 we deployed to Zamboanga, Phillipines and tooled around Mindinao and Holo Islands for a good 5 months. We pulled into exotic ports like Saipan, Kota Kinabalu(Malaysia), Dumaguete(Phillipines), Tacloban(Phillipines), Singapore, Penang(Malaysia), Guadalcanal, Tonga, and Home. It was a lot of fun... I think I have pictures posted on my MySpace profile. And yes...I came back still single. We got back to port in February and March 15th I left the mighty USS Reuben James (FFG-57), for what I thought at the time was going to be bigger and better things at NavMedCen, San Diego. Boy, was I wrong!!!!

I reported to the self-proclaimed "Pride of Navy Medicine" on the 15th of April 2008. I was originally assigned to the Emergency Department, supposed to be relieving their LPO, I imagine. But I will never know. I was reassigned to the Emergency Management Division of the Disaster preparedness Department which is apart of the Directorate of Administration. And my clinical experience is torn from my hands and shot down the tubes.

Now, I can both be pessimistic and optimistic about this situation. I am planning on going to IDC(Independant Duty Corpsman) school within the next few years. This is the toughest school in the Navy with the highest attrition rate in the Armed Forces. And I need the clinical experience dammit!!! So I come to a job sitting behind a desk, with no patients... I'm not even in the same building as the main hospital...FUCK!!! Let me catch my breath....

On the other hand, working from 0700-1500 every day leaves plenty of time for studying for advancement, taking college classes and just getting prepped and building a solid package for school. So I guess it can't be all that bad.

So right now I'm waiting to get paid so I can pay first month's rent so I can move in to my new place. I'm living with my grandparents right now and the old folks are cramping my style. The only good thing is that theres a cute hottie that works at the store in their community that I like to look at when I go buy ciggarettes.

So I must go for now. I promise that I will be a more frequent writer. I should now that I have more time on my hands... A LOT more time.

Not as bad, but close

I'm feeling a little bit more calmed down the last couple of days. The last post seemed a little dark. I guess it was just post-leave deppression that I normally get after spending time at home and then coming to a place where your appreciation equals the sum of work, hours spent after 1600, and how much ass you kiss.

And I had a whole long post about deployment and details and everything and in one keystroke it was gone. Internet explorer closed and I lost about an hours work. Guess it wasn't supposed to be seen.

Anyways...a List of things that sucked about deployment

1. Being on a ship underway for 78 straight days with the same 250 guys.
2. Not having a day off for 78 days because the CO decides that every sunday he wants to schedule UNREPs and VERTREPs
3. Fried chicken, baked chicken, grilled chicken, dry-ass chicken, chicken salad, chicken ala-king, chicken noodle soup, chicken adobo, chicken nuggets, chicken patties, bar-b-que chicken, chicken ribs, chicken teriyaki, chicken gumbo, chicken stir-fry, chicken stew, chicken ravioli, and that's just for openers. Chicken twenty times a week. Colonel Sanders has nothing on this place.
4. Laundry that comes back soaking wet.
5. Five hundred plus movies in the ship's inventory yet they repeatedly play only about 20 of them.
6. Milk that tastes like it came from a cow with mad cow disease. Milk that has a shelf life greater than that of a nuclear bomb or that would not evaporate if placed on the sun, has to have things in it that are not good for you.
7. People who actually believe that a cigarette filter can take down a helicopter from 300 feet away.
8. People that think that it is okay to sell a completely melted candy bar, stale crackers or flat sodas for full price.
9. The smell of some guy's rack who believe's the shower is an annual requirement.
10. Hot dogs with the word Dingo anywhere on the box should have been rejected immediately.
11. Only putting out butter when there is no bread. When bread is available, all you ever hear is "nobody broke out the butter."
12.Not seeing port for 78 days because the CO wanted to see some "action" that never came. And in sight of land the entire time.
13.Doing 30 knots straight towards port only to stop 5 miles out and have the Helo launched and land to drop someone off.

Now the list of good things about deployment...

1. Nobody Died
2. Sydney
3. Mauritius
4. Hong Kong
5. Making New Friends
6. Getting 2nd Nam
7. Getting Capped to Second Class
8. Not getting shot at

More about recent events later....trying to get you guys caught up....

It's been a while

So after an arduous workup and deployment period, a Post Operation Movement standdown, a Promotion, an IDC change, a CO change, another 1/2 of a training cycle and a holiday '06 stand-down, I'm back.

I'm exhausted and ready to transfer. Alas, I still have one more year including a work-up period and another deployment. After 2 years already, it's old. The 3 section duty during stand-down and throughout deployment, the painting to cover up the chips and scratches that come from cleaning so much, the dust bunnies that touch everything and reappear 20 mins after you just mopped, eating rice with every meal, and dealing with young-ins that after being in the navy since breakfast think that they know everything and can run the ship by themselves. I'm tired of it. Sick of it all.

I'm not happy doing my job any more. When I try to enjoy it, it seems like it slips through my hands like sand. Maybe I'm holding on too tight. I try and relax and just chill, but something always seems to happen to piss you off more. I thought that when I got promoted the bullshit would stop. Nope... It just got thicker. I'd rather be shot at right now than deal with stupid people. These guys make marines look like friggin geniuses.

It got so bad at one point that I hit the bottle just to relax myself enough to sleep. I was drinking at least once a day. And I would get so annihilated on the weekends that my friends didn't even want to hang out with me. Thats when I realized I didn't need another problem in my life. So I stopped drinking altogether for a little bit before it got worse. But I'm still in an emotional funk. I'm depressed, but its not so bad to call it clinical yet. I have my good days and bad days. I keep trucking on. I guess its not as bad as it could be.

Anyways, I have to get back to work. I'll write later about deployment and how much it sucked.

Advancement? Not Likely...

I took the Navy-Wide Advancement-In-Rate exam for HM2 this morning. I don't have a good feeling about it. I think I bombed it.

Anyways, since we were out for Labor day weekend I'm sitting here trying to think of shit to do for the 3 days I'm gonna have off. Alchohol will fit in somewhere around there, just because thats what I do on the weekends. Video games too. Maybe some picture taking, I dunno. I was thinking about going to Dave and Buster's on Friday night. Maybe Nashvilles, the local country bar. Anywho... Just a little note to let everyone who reads that I'm alive, IF anyone reads anymore. I'm gonna try and post a little note about something everyday. So keep checking.

Katrina was my ex-girlfriends name...ugh!!!

My heart and sympathies go out to all those affected by that terrible storm that hit the Louisiana area last week. I would've posted sooner but we were finishing up with an aggressive underway period. I know several of the guys on my boat that have family over there that have heard naught from them. I pray for those nightly.

Unlike some of those bigger ships we don't get internet underway. Yeah it sucks for us bloggers, especially when we go on deployment.

Well, updates from me. I caught the flu underway about four days ago, and I'm still battling it off. At it's peak I was lying in my rack with a hundred and two fever, coughing my brains out thinking to myself "CORPSMAN AREN"T SUPPOSED TO GET SICK DAMNIT!!!"

So I'm getting ready to set-up my laptop and watch a movie and go to bed. All those out there who are hoping and praying for family members in Louisiana, I join you.

O gracious God,
we will never understand the sorrows of the world, but by your grace we will not turn away from them.
Renew and sustain in us the spirit of love that crosses miles.
Cheer and encourage those who labor to help the injured, the homeless, the hungry and those in despair.
Bless and soften the hearts of those who would take advantage of tragedy for their own profit, that they may come to know where true joy is to be found.
Unite us in prayer with all those who look for help, and use us to come speedily to them with the things that they need.
We ask these things in your own most holy Name.
Amen.

Life goes on....

When do you submit to fate and accept the fact that a girl you've liked for the last 4 months or so has no interest in having that type of relationship with you? Is it when you see her making out with a guy, get pissed, walk out and later to find out that she's liked him for awhile now and all of a sudden you realize that you're happy for her? Thats what happened last night and here's how I handled it.

I waited about half an hour or so after the incident. We have a flower girl that sells flowers at the country bar I frequent. Anyways, I bought her three yellow roses(for everlasting friendship), and conviently held them down behind my leg so she wouldn't see.

I told her that I didn't play her for stupid and I knew that she knew that I liked her. And that I was content with being friends and showed her the roses. She got this look in her eye and gave me a big hug and told me that was the sweetest thing anybody did for her, and that no matter what anybody tells me, I should never change. She kept saying that I was making her be like a girl (she's always been "one of the guys"). I also owe her a dance. I love you Stacy, you'll always be my girl.

I drank till I Stumbled,
I drank till I fell.
When the drunk part was over it hurt me like hell.
Now I know about drinkin' so I know one things true,
Bein drunk's a lot like lovin' you.

Cause I loved till I stumbled,
I loved till I fell.
When the lovin' was over it hurt me like hell.
I know what a taste of the wrong love can do,
Being drunk's a lot like lovin you.

And I've woke up some mornings and sworn off the drink,
At that I've done reasonably well I think.
But I haven't done well swearin off you and me,
At that I've failed miserably.

Well I've felt the hangover of lovin' all night,
I've sat at the bar all alone in a fight
I've bottled up feelings and poured 'em out too,
Being drunk's a lot like lovin' you.

And I've woke up some mornings a sworn off the drink,
At that I've done reasonably well I think.
But I haven't done well swearin' off you and me,
At that I've failed miserably.

I've drank till I stumbled,
I love till I fell.
When the drunk part was over love hurt me like hell.
Now I know about drinkin' so I know one things true,
Being drunk's a lot like lovin' you.

Well I know what a taste of the wrong love can do
Sometimes I still get drunk lovin' you.

I'm back....

...for a little while anyways. I'm not sure how long it will be till my next post. We've been pierside in Hawaii for the last month. However we've been working so hard that all I do when I go home is eat dinner, work out, and sleep. It sucks, but In the last 8 months (has it really been that long?!!?) I've become quite accustome to getting the shaft.

Now, sometimes, rarely, we get off early on a friday. and when we do, look out Waikiki, cuz the sailors are coming for you!! Yeah, I go and party a little here and there, but mostly there.

Now back to work. I usually have a pretty got work ethic. But I'm getting ready to give the navy a big FUCK YOU!! and be on my way. The military has shafted me, and they have shafted me more than once. So I'm ready to put it all on the line and to not give a FLYING FUCK no more.

My HM1 made chief so I'm stuck here by myself for the next 6 weeks while he goes through initiation. I don't know what the hell to do sometimes. Oh, well. I think I'll live.

Best medical in the surface navy

Again apologies for the lack of posts. Work hours have sucked for the past few weeks. Computer access has sucked as well because of the long hours.

Anyways, we just went through INSURV...the do or die of inspections of the surface navy. Basically if you fail this inspection, the CO, XO, and CHENG ( Chief Engineer) get relieved for due cause, and the ship risks decommisioning. Well, ladies and gentlemen. We blew it out of the water. And on top of that, the medical department was cited as "One of the best put together in the whole navy." That would lead to my head only getting bigger.

Anyways, if you couldn't tell already, Im fucked up beyond belief. I'll hurt in the morning, but who cares, eh? It's five o'clock somewhere.

Take care everyone...Until next time, huga and kisses for all!!!!!!!

Sometimes change is a good thing

So...I can't really talk about all thats going on here. It's tough and exhausting. Sean, If you still read and check in on me I envy you. You don't have to paint shit, or stand watches. You dont go to work in the dark and come home in the dark. But on the other hand, I wouldn't want it any other way. This is the best duty I could have wanted. I will learn so much. To those of you I have lost due to my inactivity, I apologize. It's rough when your not used to this. The hours should improve in a little while so keep checking back. In the meantime I've started up my own fotopage at http://usndoc150.fotopages.com/ . Check it out and leave comments. I'm messing with my self timer right now to get more pictures of me in my civilian clothes. So stand the frick by!!! Love ya all.

On the coast of somewhere beautiful

Knew I could never hold that girl
She was born to see the world
All I got is a picture she mailed me
Barefoot in the snow white sand
A bag of sea shells in her hand
She finally found a paradise it seems

On the coast of somewhere beautiful
Trade winds blowin through her hair
Sunlight dancin on the water
And I wish I was there
Don’t know how I’m goin’ to find her
All I know so far
She’s on the coast of somewhere beautiful
Runnin’ with my heart

Sometimes whne the sun goes down
Shadows fall across this little town
And I close my eyes and I drift away
To another place in another time
When the world was ours and she was mine
I dream of holdin her again someday

On the coast of somewhere beautiful
Trade winds blowin through her hair
Sunlight dancin on the water
And I wish I was there
Dont know how I’m gonna find her
All I know so far
Shes on a coast somewhere beautiful
Runnin with my heart

Dont know how I’m goin to find her
All I know so far
Shes on the coast of somewhere beautiful
Runnin with my heart
Ohh she’s runnin with my heart
On the coast of somewhere beautiful

A Story To Think About

In August of 1942, the first major USMC assault landings against the Japanese Empire occurred in the Solomon Islands, Pacific. The island chosen for the invasion was Guadalcanal.

As they moved inland, four Marines were walking point into the jungle. Advancing into an open area without cover, they came under heavy fire from the entrenched Japanese. All four Marines were wounded but managed to crawl into a shell crater, about fifty yards from where they had emerged from the jungle.

A Hospital Corpsman ran from cover into the crater with the wounded Marines, and ran back to cover, under fire. Having dressed the wounds of the Marine, he sprinted back for another, only this time he was hit. Not stopping to dress his own wounds, he carried the second Marine to cover receiving a second wound. After giving aid to the Marine, the Corpsman was hit for a third time going into the crater. Staggering toward the treeline with the third Marine, he was again struck by enemy fire.

When the third Marine's wounds were dressed, the Corpsman started after the last Marine in the crater. The Corpsman still had not stopped to care for his own wounds. In a final valiant effort, he stumbled toward the crater, where he was brought down by concentrated enemy machine gun fire. He lunged forward into the crater falling across the fourth Marine, finally giving up his life.

Reaching up to his own bleeding wounds, the Marine wrote on the back of the Corpsman's bullet riddled shirt,
"WHERE ANGELS AND MARINES FEAR TO TREAD, THERE YOU'LL FIND A CORPSMAN DEAD."

This was that dying Marine's final tribute to his shipmate's supreme sacrifice in fulfilling his oath, "TO AID THE WOUNDED, IN THEIR MOMENT OF NEED."

A Corpsman's Prayer

Grant me, oh Lord, for the coming events;

Enough knowledge to cope and some plain common sense.

Be at our side on those nightly patrols;

And be merciful judging our vulnerable souls.

Make my hands steady and as sure as a rock;

when the others go down with a wound or in shock.

Let me be close, when they bleed in the mud;

With a tourniquet handy to save precious blood.

Here in the jungle, the enemy near;

Even the corpsman can't offer much lightness and cheer.

Just help me, oh Lord, to save lives when I can;

Because even out there is merit in man.

If It's Your will, make casualties light;

And don't let any die in the murderous night.

These are my friends I'm trying to save;

They are frightened at times, but You know they are brave.

Let me not fail when they need so much;

But to help me serve with a compassionate touch.

Lord, I'm no hero -- my job is to heal;

And I want You to know Just how helpless I feel.

Bring us back safely to camp with dawn;

For too many of us are already gone.

Lord bless my friends If that's part of your plan;

And go with us tonight, when we go out again.

Author Unknown

My Prayer

Dear Lord,

There's a young man or woman far from home, called to serve their nation in time of war; sent to defend our freedom on some distant foreign shore. We pray You keep them safe, we pray You keep them strong, we pray You send them safely home ... for they've been away so long. Bless those who await their safe return and those who mourn the lost. Bless those who serve this country well, no matter what the cost.

Back in San Diego

Sorry I've been gone for so long. We got underway a couple of weeks ago, and we don't get internet while underway, Yeah, I know, It sucks. Anyways, It's raining and miserable here. I don't know what I'm going to do today. I'm off, but it's 1135 and I'm still on the ship. I need to get out.

Well, tata everyone

General Quarters, General Quaters, All hands man your General Quarters Stations!!!

Talk about an exciting weeek.

Heck, I died twice yesterday. In the morning we had a security alert, because some stupid civilians drove their kayaks too close to the ship. Later on in the afternoon we had a mainline oil/fuel leak in engineering and we went to General Quarters. That means me and my strecher bearers, by ourselves,mind you in the Aft BDS ready to start accepting casualties if that shit lit off. I was scared. Been on the boat a week and I already was going to be by myself. Luckily nothing happened and it all turned out ok. The engineering guys had a fucking mess to clean up though. Nonetheless, we had an exciting couple of moments yesterday.

Today we had fast cruise, which meant we went through every possible evoulution that we would underway, except that we were still tied to the pier. Unrep, flight quarters, General Quarters, Sea and Anchor. All in prep for our underway period. Can't say when we're leaving or where we're going for Operational Security issues. But seeing as they're starting to urethane the decks outside medical in the P-Way, I need to scamper off. Everyone take care...

Doc

Fun in the Sun....yeah right!

Here I am in Pearl Harbor now. It's been busy the last week I've been here. I've inherited a junk pile from the old Baby Doc that was here. Anyways, hopefully I can get out and see the island here, and get my digital camera some good use to post some pictures.

It's hot here. I wake up and its about 75 degrees at 5 am. I think overall its going to be a good experience. It's about time to get back to work. I wish I had more time to write, but like i said, its busy out here. Talk some more later.

Doc out

Rainy SoCal

First off Happy New Year...

Second...why does Southren California have to be so ugly when I show up!!! Rain??!!?? I can get rain back home in Washington damn it!!!

Anyways, I'm here in San Diego until sunday then I'm off to Hawaii for some fun in the sun. HM1 Bentley, I know it's crazy but hang in there. I'll be there soon!!

No much to talk about right now.

Love you guys!

I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you
----------------------------------------------

(I miss you, I miss you)
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, I miss you)
(I miss you, I miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head
(I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head

(I miss you, I miss you)[x3]
(I miss you, I miss you) [x4]

Due to the nature of our relationship, I cannot mention names here. Although I want to let her know that I still care, and no it's not your fault. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, especially after what I told her. Love is strong and will persevere, and yes I want to remain friends. Just some feelings I had to let out in the open. I hope to see you soon...