Life...funny isn't it....

Life has a strange way of coming and smacking you right in the face.

First off, my ex.... Skank whore, slut, bitch that she is. Well maybe thats a little harsh, but as you can tell I harbor bad feelings with the whole mess. I feel it necessary to give a rundown of the history between us two. When I was a junior in high school( 4 years ago) she broke up with her boyfriend. I saw the opportunity to ask her out. So we went on a couple dates and decided that we should date each other exclusively, or go steady as some call it. So we did the dating thing, kissing in the halls at school, taking each other to school dances, stuff like that. Mind you she was a year older than me, and a Senior. After graduation she stayed around and we continued to go out together. I took her to my Senior Prom, and the NJROTC Navy Ball, while she was in school, we were in together. I guess you could call her my high school sweetheart. I hung around after I graduated also, not sure what to do with my life. She got me a job at the Senior Citizen retirement home that she was a receptionist at working up in the kitchen. Well I worked there for about 6-7 months, then I figured that to be a pilot (which has been my childhood dream since that movie called "Top Gun" came out) I had to join the military. Of course being the independent and spontaneous person that I am, I went and signed up. That very same day I went and bought an engagement ring, I was going to pop the question. Somehow, through channels still unknown, she found out that I had joined up before I got the chance to tell her. I went to go see her the next day to take her out to dinner, where I was going to propose. Before I got the chance she told me that she knew I was going to be leaving to go to boot camp soon and that she couldn't take being that far apart and that she wanted to end it. This crushed me, but there was nothing I could do but get up and walk away from it all and move on with my life. Fast Forward till present day... She's married to a navy guy and 7 months pregenant with their first and his third child. They live in Florida and he's deployed. She's been leaving messages on my voice mail telling me that "She needs me." I'm severely stressed over this. And just for the record, we never had sex. She wanted to wait till she got married.

The next thing thats stressing me out beyond repair. Last week I mischarted urine output on a man whos on Dialysis. He hasn't pissed in 3 years. Obviously I made a mistake, but no one wants to see it that way. On top of the mistake I made 3 weeks ago which was similar in nature, I can only speculate on what they want to do to me, but I have a pretty good idea. I'll probably go to a Disciplinary review board with my Chief, who'll recommend XOI. I'll go to XOI and he'll recommend Captain's Mast. Thats where the shit is going to hit the fan. Worst case scenario is that I'll get 45 days Restriction / Extra Duty, forfeiture of 1/2 months pay x2, lose my Cadeucus( no longer be a corpsman) and receive a Bad Conduct Discharge from the military. My life is ruined. I don't know why I'm telling everyone this. I guess I need to get it off my chest.

I just want to crawl into a ball and disappear for awhile. I'm scared shitless right now. If I do get a BCD, I wont be able to even work at McDonald's. I'm such a wreck right now. I dont deserve to be called 'Doc' or even corpsman. I wonder what would become of me.

I have buisness to attend to. I dont know how long it'll be before I post again, so I love everybody and wish you all the best. Take Care......

Marc out....